I started on this forum because I was so bereft from missing hypomania. But then I slipped into a terrible depression and I realized it just wasn't worth it. I want to be stable, I love being stable now. I can get on with the rest of my life without BP dominating my life and how I live it.

I had been stable for about a year (I originally thought for more time, but I forgot about a hypomanic episode) -loved it, then came the cravings for hypomania. Again, not worth it, when the illness sends me into depression. Depression is just never worth it. And when I manage to remember when the hypomania turns just evil on me, it also reminds me why it's not worth it to not be stable.

Of course I say this now, but my cravings for hypomania fluctuate...