I wrote my whole story in introduction thread I've made. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I felt ashamed to tell some things to my doctor so I am afraid that I made big mistake. Often I go from state of huge motivation to irrational behavior that I am aware of, then anxiety, hypochondria and worries, till deep depression. It could happen in a day but this process can sometimes take time and go for months. On some weird way, suffering makes me happy and a live, and when i set my life normal, I don't feel happy. I am highly introverted, so I did some things secretly, and no one ever found out. In most of distant social relations i have very good control, but when i get close to someone things change and everything makes me upset. Except this, I suffer from bird phobia, but I am not sure if I should mention it. Does it looks like depression, or I may have other problem too? I still don't have courage to tell the truth to psychiatrist cause I feel guilt and shame often.