Hi folks,

This is a question that has stayed around in my head for years. Why do we blame ourselves for being ill, even when we have had a clear diagnosis, maybe more than one diagnosis?

As I've said on other threads, I've made some progress with my depression/anxiety, but a few things are sticky and this is one of them. I tend to compare myself to healthy people and then judge myself harshly against them. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not a level playing field.

My feeling is that this all goes back to the birth family. Ordinary physical illnesses were fine, fevers, colds, they could'nt do enough for me, calling the doctor, time off school, special treatment.

But when the panic and anxiety kicked in, at around 16 yrs old, it was a different story. I was blanked out, completely ignored. I can remember telling my mother about this stuff and she didn't respond, just like I hadn't spoken. It was a blank wall. The same happened with my father, and my brother. It was made clear that this subject was TABOO.

I guess the fact is that they were scared rigid of mental health issues, probably because my father had a history of depression and terrible mood changes (which he never acknowledged or took any responsibility for). I once read that if you want to know what is really going on in a family, then listen for what they don't talk about, and those will be the live issues.

I guess I am answering my own question here, as it feels like my parents never gave me permission to be ill, and that stoked up the guilt, so whenever I felt anxious I immediately thought that it shouldn't be happening.

How do other people feel about this? Are you able to accept your diagnosis without feeling that it's personal failure? Are you able to allow yourself to feel ill if you need to?

Thanks, Myzen