I sympathize with your situation, though I can't say I can feel what you feel.

I am privileged, I often remind myself. And people in a position like you remind me of that. But I don't feel privileged.

In my country, at age 12 it is basically decided at what academic level your entire career will be And I did terrible at primary school. I was almost send to special education with kids with mild retardation and learning disability/delays. But my parents forgot to sign me up, so I had to go to a normal school at the second lowest level. I never did any homework, ever.
The people I spend my teens with, they weren't intellectually stimulating.

Then somehow through the internet, I met people on the other side of the country that were in the mid tier and upper tier of education. So I wanted to become an intellectual or a scientist. Yet I was in school to become a factory worker/low clerk/service person/technician.

I quit school and wanted to get into university. It took me 10 years to collect my wits and bravery and apply for the entrance exam. At age 31 I finally got in and now I am a top 10% student in a top 50 university.

All that time, my father supported me financially, and still does. I got like 40 shots to succeed one time. I'd have gotten 40 more. I realize other people get 1 and 2, and then it is over. Yes, I had misfortune as a very young child, where I was powerless to change the course of my life. But if I had grown up in a random country, 98% of the time, I'd be ****ed for life.

I don't know what to say.

My guess is you have a great insight into your country and how it is better not to have to live there all your life. But apparently, fear isn't enough of a motivation for you. The best motivation is to learn for the sake of learning. My own motivation or a mystery to me. It used to be a big problem. I used to be extremely rebellious and refuse to learn anything I didn't feel like learning about. I'd show my teachers how insignificant I thought their subject was by not learning a damn thing about it. Well, once they figured that out, they went out of their way to sabotage me, when I was already doing enough to sabotage myself.

What is really so bad about learning the periodic table?

Anyway, I'd make the same suggestion again. Find someone to study with and cut all the stuff you need to learn into smaller manageable pieces, using a realistic schedule.

You have no friends? I thought I could go through life without any. I was wrong. If I am wrong, you surely are.

Also, you don't need to be friends. You only both need to be people that need to study.

In the end, there is only one person that cares about your life, your happiness, and that person is you. Make sure you have no regrets.

I know that when I was struggling, and I guess I still am, no one, friend or stranger, had the power to tell me something and to really change my life .Even the most flawless advice would have left me unaffected. Maybe the same is trur for you. But at least I tried my best.