Yes, I like being stable. But for the past 1-2 months, I am NOT stable at all. And there is no reason for it, other than being bipolar ultra rapid cycling. I have a very good life!!!! Nothing wrong with my life! But It's like starting over. I've been mostly stable for 20 years. When stable, my relationships are better; my life as a whole is better; as a musician, my playing is much better. I don't speed up and have evolved into a pretty darn good musician with lots of music friends that I play music with 2-3 times every week; my handwriting, although not beautiful, at least does not race up the page at about a 30 degree angle. It's level. I draw, too, and my work is more reasonable, in that I don't rush. I used to do good work for about 2/3 of a drawing, then rush to complete it. And of course, it showed in the drawing, and really messed it up. When I'm stable, I stop when I feel rushy and postpone working on a drawing till the next day or so. I don't collapse and have to cancel commitments as much, when I am stable. But lamictal made me off balance, and I fell off a ramp and landed on my back on the sidewalk. So I quit Lamictal. I'm titrating up lithium now. I'm feeling thwarted, angry, occasionally rageful, filled with hatred for people in my past, hyper critical of other people I don't even know, overwhelmed, antsy, zingy, out of control, extremely irritable, and on and on and on. I have hyperacusis, meaning sounds are way too loud. The noises and frenetic activity outside in the city where I live drive me batty. I feel much better inside my very silent apartment, or visiting a friend who has a nice quiet place. My pdoc told me today "You are 74 years old. We have to titrate the Li up very slowly, because it would be dangerous to go too fast." Lamictal was one of the best things that happened to me, till it made me fall down. I was off balance all the time with it, even fearing to fall in my own apartment.