Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
I am a single mother of one child and have quite a few single mother friends / relatives...
It's not about devaluing the child. Not at all... Not that I can see anyway.
When you consider the fact that most of us single mothers have our first child as a teenager, its no wonder nobody is celebrating our "good news"... We're kids forever altering our futures. I was 19, done with school and still got the shyttiest reception. I can only imagine what a 16 year old experiences.
Then you have people like my friends who have multiple kids, so your family is thinking, "dammit you just got on your feet, holding down a good job, child going off to school and you go get pregnant again!"
Valid concern. Again, because its like "Damn girl don't you learn?"
Married couples are usually trying to have babies, so its pure logic that us single mothers are frowned upon and that the "legitimate" babies are celebrated from the get go.
BUT. NEVER have I witnessed a child being treated as less than or devalued because they were born out of wedlock or their dad went to the grocery store never to return.
In fact, where i am from everyone rallies round to make sure that everything is ready for baby's arrival.
Unaluna is right. I have had it easy.
On the contrary, IME married couples actually get less support with their kids (financially and morally / babysitting) because everyone assumes they have it figured out and are doing things as a team. I consistently have to remind my best friend's mom to also babysit for her so she and her hubby can go have a date night, when her other grandkids live with her. Because, you know, single mother working and stuff.
I have no doubt that its true what you say regarding where you live... I'm just skeptical about calling it devaluing the child. But I admit I can't find the words that fit either.
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The reason I said I feel this way is because I was born to a single mother(1993) and my 2nd cousin has both parents(2001), I can see the difference between how he was treated vs. me. With this my mother made other mistakes but I also have another example to compare to here that I'd rather not say. Maybe it depends on the family but every time my family mentions something about me as a child it's almost always negative. I remember once my aunt was telling how I pulled on her shirt when I was 4 and she sounded like she was STILL mad about it and how my mother didn't do anything...then my cousin who is 15, everyone only says positive things about him. I know that the moment his mother found out she was pregnant everyone was thrilled about it and for my mother I'm sure it was the opposite. Maybe people do HELP, but they seem to be annoyed when they do it.
Even if it's not intentionally the child, maybe it can seem that way to them in the situation I mentioned above. Everyone's joy vs. Everyone's disappointment or worry. If you believe a child is going to fail I think it makes it more likely to happen.
I'm glad you have friends that support you. I don't have any friends, and my mother didn't have many either.