I am 27 years old and for the most part of the last decade I have been swinging between moderate "hypomania" and moderate "depression". In 2013 I became fully manic for the first time and then transitioned into psychosis. It was then that I was actually diagnosed and put on 20mg of Zyprexa (Olanzapine) (later reduced to 10mg) and I spent two and a half years struggling to live as a braindead zombie with occasional suicidal ideation and no ability to feel pleasure or relate to anyone or anything.

Six months ago I got so angry I threw my medication away. I was pissed off with having no personality I didn't bother to cut down slowly. I had had enough. I didn't tell my doctor who I would see every month. The first thing that happened was weight loss. Shortly after that my personality began to emerge again.

Perhaps a month ago I returned to "normal" (what I remember as normal for me) and started making a lot of goals, going out every day to see people, talking on the phone a lot, listening to music and it feeling euphoric, I felt more attractive, became more *****y, began sleeping 4-6 hours a night, writing articles and submitting them to the New Zealand online newspaper, adding and reconnecting with old friends on Facebook, updating Facebook every couple of hours, taking new selfies, joined a gym, started drinking alcohol again, had sex for the first time in 3 years, moved out of home to a backpackers surrounded by 100 people at any one time, spent $2500 of my savings (half), went for a job interview then turned down the job, and set up a blog called "Hypomanic ramblings" for people to read.

A week ago I had a day where I felt too elevated so I told my doctor and psychologist exactly what I have said above. He immediately told me that I was hypomanic and I waited for a few minutes as he called my case manager/social worker into the meeting. This was the first time I had an appointment with all three of them at once. They suggested that I go to a recovery house (respite) for a week to 1) get my sleep in check to prevent mania and 2) get back on a different medication than Olanzapine to control my mood. I agreed to this.

Within 2 hours I was driven half an hour away to a beautiful house. I do not have to pay to stay here. They have WiFi. I brought my Macbook and iPhone 6s plus a hard drive with 6000 tv episodes. I am now taking Quetiapine and lithium. The first night I slept 12 hours as Quetiapine is a sedative. The second night I slept 6 hours. The third night I slept 8 hours. Last night I slept 4 hours.

Even though the Quetiapine and lithium have slowed me down somewhat, I still feel "hypomanic," in that I am not really trying to change my sleeping habits. As soon as I wake up I log on to Facebook or reddit and just read a lot. I have no interest in sleep if i'm not tired. I don't have the urge to go out and get really drunk or see a lot of people but I am very social on social media and I can't stop listening to music. I am not spending money right now.

I am kinda happy to stay on lithium and Quetiapine and feel slightly hypomanic if I can. I'm just wondering how important it is that I get 8 hours of sleep a night? I refuse to take Olanzapine again as it made my weight increase 25% and I have lost 20% of that. I would rather be manic than fat, to be honest. And olanzapine made me borderline suicidal so it really isn't a great idea in the long term.

I enjoy being Bipolar most of the time. I have done some awesome and awful things while hypomanic and manic but it has been an unstable life and I am single and have a chequered job history because of it. So I don't know if I would rather be medicated to the point of slight depression and low mood to avoid the highs. Thanks for reading.