I'm glad you posted, feel can understand some of the feelings you write about. I empathize with being "tired of being tired" - depression is depleting.

I hope the site will provide you with some community and comfort. It's been a haven for me to discuss issues and concerns that family/friends may not understand.

I also came to terms with mental illness later in life (also in my 30's) for same reasons - was ashamed, felt I had to keep it secret. It took me a while to reconcile that I had to take meds to keep my life and relationships together.

Take care