Thanks, all - because I just joined none of my responses are showing yet, they are getting moderated so I suspect they will all flood in at once.

I've been at home sick in bed today, and it's given me a lot of time to think.

I think what is going on is this: as the 8 months or so I've been seeing him has worn on, he has become much more 'friendly' and a bit more casual. Nothing out of session, I hasten to add, and nothing out of the normal realms of good, boundaried therapy - believe me, I can tell the difference.

Last session, when I started to have the intrusive thoughts, he was sort of splayed back in his chair, his legs stretched out in front of us. Still loads of space between me and him, big room. But also still creeping towards me.

He also seems to genuinely like my company and we seem to share a few interests in common. Again, just familiarity and time I suppose. But he laughs a lot if I say something funny, he's really intensely 'there' and we are relaxed together. His boundaries are really good - we finish bang on time, there's absolutely zero out of session contact, emails are for appointments only, he charges me for every second I am there. I like that.

Honestly, if I hadn't been through what I have been through I would be counting my blessings to find a really good therapeutic relationship with somebody who was stable, seemed genuinely interested and engaged and who accepts and seems to like me.

BUT..I have had to ask him a few times to not talk about himself or his life. It's not excessive, it's well within the realms of 'normal' and he's not loading problems onto me. Just using examples of things. But I am super sensitive to that. I felt stupid asking, but it was really triggering for me and I found myself withdrawing into myself and being unable to talk.

And now the whole casual, lolling back in his chair like we're sharing a drink on a Saturday night...too loose for me.

I wish I could scoot over it and sort it out in my own head and accept it and get on with the therapy. But it's really, really upsetting to me and I don't know whether I am going to be able to get past it.

By the same token, he hasn't done anything wrong. It's me. I'm super sensitive to physical space and where people are in the room, and even more so now that I'm talking about deeper and harder things.

Do I be the adult and try to deal with this on my own, knowing it's 'just' a trigger and nothing else, and risk a really messy time in T that will probably end up with me having to tell him anyway, because I'll get all dissociative and stupid?

Or do I front up to it with him, even if it does make me feel completely ridiculous to ask somebody to sit a certain way in their own office, and insanely over-sensitive to be so worked up about a few feet of personal space?

I also don't want to mess with what we have, which is a good, solid and very effective T relationship. He is very, very good and totally gets me. The 'adult' me loves that he is laid back and not afraid of me (especially given my past T relationship), truly interested and good company. But the bit of me that needs therapy - the broken, scared, smaller and less rational side of me is scared half to death. And I am afraid that if I let this carry on...I'll shut down and it'll all start to fall apart.