Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut
I feel so complicated. I don't seem to fit in, wherever I go. For as long as I can recall, I've struggled with these feelings. I cannot bear the thought of struggling like this for the rest of my life! 
In this room, we all fight PTSD. But, does it ever go away? Do people get "all better", or is it a lifelong sort of illness? I hate to refer to cPTSD as an "illness" (because I feel like that implies that something is wrong with me), but it sure isn't a walk in the park either. 
I don't know what I'm saying here. I just feel hopeless. And I'm SO tired of feeling this way! |
I am trying to accept the conclusion that the fight or flight syndrome is self defeating. I am trying to stop fighting back when I am abused by others and to just walk away instead. I'm trying to accept that people are mean and always will be. I may not fit in because I am not naturally that way. Mean people recognize that and will immediately pounce and take advantage. It is futile to fight them as they will only get meaner if I fight back. (They actually enjoy being mean. The sickos; it makes them feel powerful. Take their power away and walk away. If they want something, now they will have to do it themselves.)
This has led to isolation for self-protection and that's not exactly working either. I am thinking of moving. The USA is a very sick nation and the narcissists have taken over. Even churches are full of mean people. I am looking at alternative ways of re-building my life and living in a place where my value system works.