You aren't horrible for relapsing. It happens but don't let that be a crux for you. You need to take it one day at a time sometimes even one hour at a time. I use to abuse drugs a lot. However I am 5+ years sober. It takes time, it takes A LOT of work. I can assure you that I have stood in the pharmacy area of my store looking at what I use to abuse but I have to find the strength in me to walk away. It's tough. I know that all to well but it gets easier.