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Originally Posted by Echos Myron
I think it would be a very good thing for you to change Ts. Both as a client and as a practitioner. Your cognitive dissonance about starting a thread shows you need a safe space to process what is happening here. Being a T doesn't mean you are capable of dealing with her stuff. I am trainee and I know my T would never, ever burden me with his stuff, now or in the future.
I can't tell you what a difference finding T2 made to my wellbeing, Mona. If I had stayed with T1 I am sure I would be a poorer therapist for it. (I don't mean to say I think you are anything less than a wonderful therapist, only that having a healthy therapeutic alliance as a client can only improve your own emotional wellbeing, and inevitably your practice too).
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I agree but I think my experience with therapy as a whole has been toxic and there is no going back from here. Every one of my therapists have crossed my boundaries and self disclosed. This is my fifth therapist. Thankfully, I have a very good supervisor who has been a saviour this year. He is kind compassionate and very understanding. He has held me when I felt that therapy is Bu******. He has encouraged me to keep going with my training. He listen when I feel so hurt by it all and feel I have nothing to offer clients, he makes me see that I do because I have had such awful experiences with therapy and I have learned so much about how not to do therapy.
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Originally Posted by Waterbear
Mona I just wanted to say sorry because I was not very supportive or sympathetic in my response to your posts. I don't suppose you started this thread in order to be judged or 'slammed' and this is what I feel I have done so I am sorry. It just hits a nerve I think, for the reasons I put and those which I have spoken before.
I am sorry that you saw that side of your T and that it threw all you thought you knew out of the window. It can be very hard to think you know someone and then realise that they weren't quite what they appeared. I have spent most of my life believing that every other person I meet in the real world has got everything sorted, has had a fairly easy life and knows who they are and what they are doing Is this naive as you say, yes maybe, but it is hard to see anything but when this is all you see of them. Only now as I am starting to actually introduce people in to my life am I realising that this is not true and it actually helps me feel more settled in some respects, knowing that I am not alone. Maybe you can take something positive out of what must be a very hard and confusing situation for you. I hope that you do talk this through with her when you next meet because it sounds like you want to.
Again, I am sorry for my little outburst and I wish you well.
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No need to apologise Waterbear. I am guessing you feel very strongly about this topic and something was triggered for you. Please dont ever apologise for feeling too strongly and expressing what you are feeling. I didnt feel judged or shamed by you, I felt your compassion and hurt. Its not an easy situation and anyone who has been there will know that. I am realising like you that we see on the outside and what is going on inside for someone are two very different things and this is confusing but a part of life
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Originally Posted by AllHeart
You couldn't have seen any of this happening because you weren't supposed to see any of this happening. You being a t has no bearing on this.
Not gonna sugar coat this -- Your t has just unfairly forced you into a major mind f##k trap and there is no turning back. Human or not, your t should never have put this on you. She brought you in too deep. The two of you are now entangled. Entanglement, as you know, is not therapeutic or healthy for you. It isn't healthy for your t either.
That said, know that it is very possible to get out of the predicament you are currently in, in time. Meaning, it is possible to successfully "un-entangle" without termination. Only once the relationship becomes healthy for the both of you can the relationship ultimately strengthen.
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Yes, I feel it is entangled too. I am not sure how it has happened but it has happened over the last year. I have been seeing my t weekly for three years and when yu are in your own stor its hard to see past it. It was not my responsibility to protect the boundaries it was my ts and she hasnt been keeping an eye on them.
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Originally Posted by velcro003
I feel like you've said this a few other times. It doesn't make it right or any better.
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Thank you for your opinion however, I don't agree with it. Could you possibily elaborate on your thoughts because I am not sure I am understanding you correctly. I feel defensive but perhaps you mean something other than what I am picking up?
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Originally Posted by ruh roh
In answer to your question, no. I have not thought of my therapist as super human in the way of having it all together. I don't think anyone exists like that, and if they do, I don't want them as a therapist. I want one who has it together in the therapy room, and so far, mine has been great at that. It's more like her superhero power is being human while also being a good therapist and not falling apart in front of me or taking her issues out on me.
It would be very hard to see my therapist break down over personal issues, but it would not be a jarring thing to find out that she can be hurt or suffers. It would just be hard to see and would make my own therapy impossible. I have had one that liked to talk about her much worse problems, and that was bad enough.
You're not talking nonsense at all, but what you describe as not being super human is more like a therapist who isn't doing her job and needs time off.
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I agree with everything you hace said and thank you for your insight. My t does need to take time off, she had been on a week off last week and this is what sparked her disclosure was spending time alone. I do feel for her at the moment, its a horrible situation for her.
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Originally Posted by Starry_Night
My husband is a therapist who his clients think is perfect. Since I know him, I never had the fantasy that a T was a perfect person. my first therapist i did think was pretty awesome, until she started treating me badly and then did some awful things. this t, i never thought of her as perect, because she is very real and very human with me. she has struggles and a lot of tough things going on in her life. she hasnt ever hid that from me.
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Do you feel that this has strengthened your relationship with her Starry? You have a very good relationship with your t and have managed to maintain that even though your t has been pver seas for some time now.
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Originally Posted by lorna
I had a whopper of a therapy session recently. I was going in there wanting a note I required for something I'm trying (i'm being vague on purpose) and she railroaded it brutally and it wasn't like I was gonna change my direction because of her opinion, I just needed something from her for my checklist. She ended up giving me an email saying she supported me, however in the actual session it was brutal.. and when I reflect it became off topic for why I was there. I guess everyone does have bad days ... even them.
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I am sorry your session was so hard
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Originally Posted by Rive.
Sadly nobody is perfect and I don't believe anyone has 100% of their act together. But there is a difference - in my book - between being fallible and being immoral-unethical or harming another.
There is an element of respect, dignity and moral values humans ought to have when interacting with one another.
Thus, the former I might forgive in a therapist (or human being), the latter would be a deal-breaker.
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Interesting points Rive, yes they are humans and they should be able to keep them separate but my t wasnt. does this make her a bad t?
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Originally Posted by BrazenApogee
What are you learning about ethical boundaries from this T? Is this how you want to treat your own clients?
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I know all about boundaries from my own therapy and my training. No I would never do this to my clients but I knew this was wrong before it happened but knowing and being in a situation are two different things.