Hello everyone.

I think one of my biggest problems, and I'm not sure if it is exactly a problem...or more like a crutch, is escapism.

When I have a really low day, I won't do anything but obsess and get anxious, which brings on more depression.

However, on days where I can feel "it" building, but still have a bit of motivation, I fight it off with something that allows me to escape. Now it's nothing physically destructive such as drugs or alcohol, but perhaps destructive in another way?

I'll throw myself into something...be it binge reading or watching, starting a new hobby, which leads to collecting items for the hobby, immersing myself in a video game etc.

I'll use these to escape and preoccupy my mind full tilt. Now sometimes it works, albeit for a limited time...but sadly it comes with a price. I'll go on these sprees...say like if I'm into a certain horror movie director, I'll buy a ton of his dvd, ones I probably won't even get to...but it is the need to collect that brings me comfort. (I know it's wrong).

But as I said before, as soon as I have the item or play the game for a set amount of time, the depression hits back ten fold.

Now I know this is probably just me using my ocd, and not in the best way...I mean does anyone else do this sort of thing, experience this kind of burnout, or try escapism in material goods? And if so...how do you combat it and find motivation to do activities you like but in moderation?

Like I wish I could find a happy medium to fight off waves of depression without having to completely obsess...but it always seems like lack of any desire/motivation...or full bore....