Of course every doctor I've seen in the past 28 years says to get physical exercise. At this point it takes every ounce of energy I have to just walk a few blocks down the street. But other days I can practically skip and whistle while walking 2 miles.

I have been through some really rough patches. Just like our moods, the ups and downs, that's how are lives are laid out.

Now, here's the deal. I have hit rock bottom, I mean all the way down to the bottom. From a fantastic life in NYC to my mother's attic in the hills of Appalachia. Then... I just laid in bed and cried and creeped around scared to death for my life, filled with paranoia, for about 3 months.

Then I got a good job and it's getting harder as I get older. I'm really struggling again, but I'll beat them all at their own game. I will not be gas lighted. I'm strong now, I have an amazing support group of about 3 friends that really "get" me. And I have a few people at work that seem to understand and many many coworkers who haven no consideration for my issues. Not just consideration, that's not it. They have no respect for me, regardless of issues, but they know I have issues so they know it's not hard to mess with me.

I'm not giving up. I don't know day from day what will happen, but something kicks in and I deal with it. It's so scary. I have to operate on autopilot most of the time.