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Originally Posted by leomama
Hi everyone. Someone privately accused me of being a codependent the other day regarding my current relationship and that really hurt.
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Why did that hurt? Now I know that you go on and say...
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Originally Posted by leomama
I've been working on my codependency issues over half my life.
They stem from my family of origin and they are not my fault.
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And if I read between the lines I am led to conclude that you believe that you are co-dependent, are not pleased that you are, and are angry or resentful of the source of your codependency issues.
I am left uncertain of how one accuses someone of being codependent though. You are a woman. I did not accuse you of being a woman, I stated a fact. Likewise, it sounded like this person presented you with a fact - one that you do not disagree with. Did you feel that I was being accusatory when I called you a woman? Why then would you frame one fact as an accusation and another as a simple statement?
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Originally Posted by leomama
I recently started doing a narcissistic abuse recovery program to get at the root of my wounds so I could heal them.
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Congratulations for having the courage to work on this.
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Originally Posted by leomama
It is not my fault that I am in a relationship with a separated man.
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I am not here to blame you, judge you, or shame you...but whose "fault" is it? I personally don't like the word 'fault' in this context - I don't think it is appropriate but you are, in my mind, completely responsible for being in a relationship with him. You made the choice to enter into a relationship with him and you made the choice to stay in a relationship with him. They are your choices. It seems to me you are prepared to see judgement for that decision, but I am not judging you for that or anything.
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Originally Posted by leomama
I know his father, wife, best friend, and more.
In other communities it is understood that even though a relationship is dysfunctional it is still a relationship.
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Has someone said that yours is not a real relationship? If so, I personally think that they are incorrect.
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Originally Posted by leomama
I have told my boyfriend that I do not want to be involved with him until he gets divorced and he assures me he will be getting divorced on September 15.
Other men have asked me out, I had been advised to go out with other men by anther community back when I thought my boyfriend had bpd.
My boyfriend denies having bpd.
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Perhaps he has bpd, perhaps he does not. Without a diagnosis, how would either of you know? If you told me that I was depressed and I didn't think that I was - I would deny it. That is a reasonable response.
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Originally Posted by leomama
Now I think he has narcissistic traits, he denies that too.
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May I ask why you are trying to diagnose him? Regardless, if he has not been diagnosed before and if he does not agree with your assessment, what else could he say but, "No, I don't."
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Originally Posted by leomama
He and his father and his wife all think he has Aspergers.
He is in therapy and supposedly is going to be getting a diagnosis at the end of the week.
His father has asked me for help to read about Aspergers.
I even have a book at the library on Aspergers.
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Is him having Asperger's a deal breaker for you? I'm still trying to figure out how layman's guesses as to this persons psychology is important to you. You two are either compatible or you are not. If you are not compatible, then him being perfectly mentally healthy doesn't matter. If you are compatible, then him having every condition you've listed doesn't matter.
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Originally Posted by leomama
Please don't tell me its wrong to be involved with a separated man.
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Wouldn't dream of it.
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Originally Posted by leomama
Please don't tell me its my responsibility to make sure he gets divorced.
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Wouldn't dream of saying this either.