Having spent over 15 years on the worst ever rollercoaster, I am finally feeling good. In fact, I have not felt that good in.. well, ever! I have a job I enjoy, it's part time, but I am actually able to hold one! I have an amazing man in my life, I have my animals and my friends. I finally found medication that works for me and I still have the energy to work out regularly. For the first time in my life I'm hopeful for the future.
However, I keep noticing this sense of dread growing inside of me. I have come so far to get where I am now, but I also understand how fragile it is. I know that one slip could cause a catastrophic fall, and my carefully crafted equilibrium will crumble to pieces around me.
Most of the time I can silence and ignore it, but occasionally it becomes too much, and I get paralysed with fear. I feel its pressure on my chest, and it almost seems I can't breath. I can usually pull myself together in a few moments, but I know it went back into hiding until the next time.
I know how counterproductive it is. I know that stressing about it would only make it worse, but I can't help it. I feel trapped in this though cycle.

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