You said: I'm actually not looking for advice.
Then why did you post this? You still haven't told us what kind of support you're looking for.

You said: I may blog in another community. I have PTSD and that colors my relationships, so I really have to work within that framework to talk about what's going on with me.

We all have mental illnesses here. Just from my interactions with you, I feel like you use yours as a crutch to excuse anything that you can't handle. Every time someone questions you, you bring up that you have PTSD and change the subject.

You said: I actually get really angry when people start talking about fault and blame . It's not helpful .

You are the one who started this entire thread talking about fault and blame. You are setting yourself up to be angry by posting a thread about whether or not you are at fault or to blame.

You said: Furthermore there is a difference between being an active codependent and a codependent in recovery. I hold service positions in recovery meetings so I guess I find it a bit insulting to be told I'm acting codependent.

I go to meetings too, both to CODA and ACA, and it's not meant as an insult for someone to hold the mirror up and show you that your backsliding. It's meant to help you with your recovery. No one is perfect and we all backslide.

No one here is trying to make you feel bad or guilty or anything. We are all just trying to help you because you continue to post threads about how unhappy you are or what this man has done to you.

Good luck.
Seesaw