Hey all,

I just found this site today while searching for help with my situation, and I was hoping I'd find that help here. I'm sorry it's long, but I've been going though a lot.

I've been married to my wife for 2.5 years, and we've been together for nearly a decade. Ever since we've gotten married, but especially since our son was born (23 months), our relationship has been very rocky and I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. It first started when she brought up talking about any purchases over $50 (except for gifts for each other) since we have a joint account and she wants to know what we're spending money on. Religiously I let her know when I want to get anything, to the point that it starts becoming more of a permission seeking thing as in if I tell her I'm getting something and she doesn't like it she'll say I can't get it and is angry if I get it anyway. Then she goes out and spends a lot to get her teeth fixed, without even letting me know. This is the start of this particular issue. If I get something without telling her, all hell breaks loose and this isn't the last time she spends a lot without letting me know either.

Then she tells me I can't be friends with this girl, who I consider my best friend, that I've known for just about 20 years now. I told her that's not going to happen and she breaks out the old 'it's me or her' cliche, and I just told her 'both' and went for a walk. Now I can't talk to her or text her when my wife is around because she gets very angry, so I'm feeling like I'm doing something wrong and hiding a friendship from her. So I try to find a guy friend that I can hang out with, but she got very jealous of that too. I was texting him and she ripped the phone out of my hand and started texting him to get a picture. WTF?! Fine, I don't have anything to hide and she's probably just wants to see it's not a girl, so what ever. Then she starts putting him down and jokingly saying he's gay and accusing him of wanting to do things with me. Eventually, this guy and I are supposed to go see a movie and she gets upset both when I tell her what day and the day that it's going to be. I left, and she was distressed. Whatever. I haven't talked to this guy since.

Another issue is that she has no problems with her going out with her friends, but if I want to go out and do something myself then I get flack. Whenever I want to do something, I always get 'does it have to be this weekend?' or 'does it have to be today?' to the point that I usually put off things I want to do for weeks such as getting my hair cut, getting new shoes, or whatever.

Most recently, she's been blowing up at things when I don't go along with what she wants. Case in point: this passed Friday, we went to her aunt's retirement bond fire at the beach. She was going to get there early since she was off work, but our son slept longer than usual causing her to not go when she wanted. She called and asked me what I thought about meeting at a store and take one car. I was ok with that, but this store is about 10 min from our apartment. I suggested just meeting at home since it was only a 10 min difference and her tone changed to angry and she asked why I can't just do it. Yet at the same time, it's ok for her to offer alternatives when I make suggestions.

I know what I'm going to get asked: have I talked to her about this yet? The answer is more complicated and a little history is in order. She doesn't do anything around the house. When we were dating, I talked to her about it several times for her to change for a week and then drop back into her old habits. I eventually decided it wasn't worth being bitter over as I can clean the house and have no problems with it. Since we've been married, I've tried talking to her about this stuff a couple times, but she always makes me feel bad for bringing it up, saying I'm the one who is being mean, attacking her, being insensitive, and even said once that I'm always making excuses and not doing enough for the family.

I feel like I'm going crazy, and am on the edge of losing my cool. I hope someone can help me cope as I have no one else to talk to about this.

Thanks in advance.