I have always been a firm believer in the statment everything happens for a reason. Then last friday i got in a fight with my best friend and everything felt like it was falling apart. My world was crashing around me. It seemed like after that night everything that could go wrong was going wrong and the one person i wanted to talk to hated my guts.

I didnt know what to do. Haivng that fight just reassured the feeling i have that i mess everything up, that im not good enough, and that no one will ever stand by me. I tried talking to bob grant (my 22 yr.old friend) about this but theres only so much he can say and then saras(my dr.phil) in another country but she said she has faith we can fix this when the itme is right. The reality is though, that it was my friend and i who had to fix this.

I had tried my best to prevent the fight from happening. It didnt work, it actually jsut got her more mad. So, I tried apologizing and she wouldnt accept it and the things is i just really wanted to hear from her that she was sorry. That she understood how much she hurt me. That she heard what i was saying. when days went by i keep playing it over in my head wondering where i went wrong and why this was happening. My sociology teacher told me i couldnt let her walk all over me. That it seemed she was taking for granted my friendship and that sorry wasnt my job at that point and i needed to step aside and wait it out. Bob Grant told me "give her time to realize what she lost because if she really wants to make things right, she will. and if she doesnt then u know shes not the frined u thought she was." this made me think a lot. What if she didnt try to fix this, what if she ends up not being my friend anymore. But i took his advice and i stoped trying to talk to her and i waited. You know what?She ended up coming to me today, and saying she didnt want to fight anymore and she was sorry. We both expressed how we felt honestly and things are better.

I actually think we will be closer because of this. We both have gone through so much and she told me that she wants me to know that its ok we fight because we are 16 and i dont have to try to prevent the fights because they will happen. Im just so happy everyhtings fixed because i was so stressed out to begin with that this had me throwing up and crying. I still feel like im a screw up and i cant do anything right and my life is just not good right now but, as long as i have my best friend at my side i know it will be ok =] and.... everything happens for a reason! The reason for our fight was to make us stronger and bring us closer. We already knew we could handle the tears we just had to prove we could handle the fights too.

God doesnt give you any more then you can handle and God doesnt abadon you when ur weak, he carries you. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes though the reasons arent clear.

ily amanda marie <3