After my girlfriend and I got together, she told me she use to be a stripper.
At the time i wasnt taking her that serious, so to be honest it was horrible but i didnt really care. Aside from stripping, i believe she slept with a lot of men. Of course i found this terrible but again, i thought she would be someone just to waist my time with. All her life (until recently) she has been very insecure, seeking and needing valation from men and people for her outer appearance. It is apparent that she never had a sense of selfworth after some of the trauma in her life. Her father left her was she was a kid and since, she lived in a disfunctional home with family. She was molested once before in her life but remembers very little of the incident or has suppressed it (which is why i dont understand why she became hyper sexual instead or not wanting to engage at all). She would jump into a relationship/hook up, then into another. Few relationships normal and others very sickening/abormal causing her depression and PTSD. She was a horrible person, the type of person perhaps no man would ever want to marry, everything she did was a matter of choice... However she has drastically changed! She is a completely different person, the type of woman any man would love to marry. I want to marry her but I have a huge issue that is ripping me apart. The better she becomes, I fall more in love with who she is today. Also the better she becomes, the more i see the disgust of the person she use to be and who i use to date. Throughout the day, i have panic attacks thinking of her gross past (the stripping, sexual hypersexualization, sexual relationships, probably even prostitution) Thinking about everything she did and stood for. I have so many questions in my head that will never be answered. I have entered into a depression because I WANT TO MARRY THE GIRL, she is so perfect but her face and presence is a reminder of what i hate more than anything in life. I am afraid i will have these thoughts on my mind for as long as i live. I dont know how to remove these thoughts, images and memories of her out of my head. I have severe PTSD and depression. I dont want to live life like this! And i dont want to live life like this with her but i also can not stand the thought of not being with her. Help me, i am so very desperate.