I have a similar fear. It can be really unsettling going to the er and finding out there's littlelittle choice... I've found some hospitals to be really receptive (or at least pretend to be) to finding a female physician. At one point, when I was struggling a lot with ptsd from abuse, and also self harming, I wound up in the hospital several times. I expressed my fear as best I could, and explained that an exam by a male doctor would be incredibly triggering. Most of the time, they did their best to find a female Dr. The times they could not, there was always a female nurse present... without fail, the exams by the male doctors were extremely triggering, but they managed to give me something afterwards to help calm down.

If you can find a way to express your fear to them, even if you just tell them you have a history of abuse and ask for a female doctor, they should be somewhat responsive. Maybe write a short note if you can't say it? .. I'm sorry to hear they are generally rude. It can suck when the people we seek help from make us feel un-cared-for (I've had my fair share of that too).