Day 4 in Nutjob-Land:

I had the worst day yesterday (you can read about it on the SI board if you like, I don't want to repeat it!). I finally went to bed around 8:30 just because it was the only escape I could think of that wasn't harmful. I missed the whole second half of the Packers game because of it! So you KNOW I had to be in bad shape.

This morning I walked into one of the classrooms in the hospital, filled out my little symptom rating sheet, went and ate breakfast, came back, and put my head down for a few minutes, because I just really still felt like crap and didn't want to be there and just wanted to concentrate on feeling like crap. The other girl who spent half of Saturday's session crying came in, asked if I was OK, and said she'd thought about it all weekend too.

In fact, everybody who was there Saturday who came in said how bad they had felt for both of us. So I wasn't just overreacting.

Somewhere in there, the secretary for my regular pdoc called, returning a message I'd left her. I was supposed to have an appointment with him today, but my case manager told me she'd canceled it because the insurance wouldn't pay for two services at once. Laura thought that sounded funny, so SHE called the insurance company, and they said sure, no problem. The only thing is that I couldn't see two of the same flavor of personnel on the same day, like two psychiatrists. She didn't know I was working with somebody in-house, so as it turned out, I did have to cancel the appointment with my regular guy, who takes much more of an interest in me than Inpatient Boy and whom I am dearly missing.

Inpatient Boy showed up about 2:30, said my labwork was all fine, sorry you had a lousy weekend, what are you doing for Thanksgiving (I lied -- I'm actually doing nothing), and oh by the way, I'm upping two of your meds. Of course. At a $30 copay a pop. Argh. Just because THEY make $150 an hour, I guess they think the rest of us do. Hell, for 15 minutes a day with me (if that), he bills $150! Wouldn't you love a job where you made TEN BUCKS A MINUTE?!?! I certainly would!

Other than that, nothing unusual. The Manic Twins were there, being their usual a-holish selves. The same therapist who allowed Recipe Hour to happen the other day again used almost the entire damn time chatting about this and that, and almost nothing involving actual therapy. Although the guy who liked to share the recipes got discharged today.

OH! I discovered at breakfast that I knew one guy's wife! Small world. I'm going to have to email her -- "Hi, I'm in the nuthouse with your husband!" LOL I had a temp job in her office for about 6 months while I was looking for fulltime work. Too funny.

No hints yet as to when I get the hell outta there. I am actually more depressed all day there than I am at home, so maybe for $650 a day I should have just laid around here and felt bad for free. I think my insurance runs out a week from today, but I bet I'm outta there Friday. We'll see.

I'm sure there will be more fun tomorrow.

Candy