This week has been an utter FAILURE so far. I've done nothing I planned to do at the start of the week, thanks to depression. Woke up after noon again and had no time to get anything done before my dad would be home from work. Only had coffee, showered and brushed my teeth today. I just cannot maintain any semblance of motivation once the black wave goes over me. Logically I know it's not all me, that I'm not just lazy or trying to find excuses. But that doesn't stop me from being down on myself about it. I feel useless at the best of times.

Today's my older sister's birthday. She turns 31. I've been in a knot of anxiety all day, wondering when I should wish her a happy bday, and how. Should I send her a message on Facebook? Should I text or call? What even should I say, besides just "happy birthday"? No matter which route I take it will be awkward, being as we haven't spoken in a few months.
Then again, she hasn't made an effort to keep in contact with me either. She never texts me first or sends me the first call. She didn't call me on my birthday last year. Why should I bother? I don't really want to talk to her honestly.

Also I feel very uncared for by someone. I told her I was depressed and she didn't respond. Even though I try to at least be sympathetic of her troubles when she's feeling down. I'm actually kinda mad at myself for being upset. I should know to just expect this from people by now. Nobody cares unless you're holding a (metaphorical, of course) gun to your head, at least in my case.