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AlteredState01 said:
Didn't realize npd can develop as a result of bpd. I have narcissistic tendencies, but thought it was an "in-addition-to" illness. Never thought it could be a defense mechanism.

Hmm...interesting.



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though i realize 'splitting' is a supposedly dysfunctional aspect of bpd - i have never had a problem with it. Not to say i don't - i do...alot. and likely as a result i miss out on some experiences, but a line must be drawn somewhere, i think, and sooner rather than later in terms of what's goodness & light vs. what's ungoodness & dark has been a constant for me.

in a world filled with variation,dealing in extremes simplifies things. and so it was with my npd adaption. in the first twenty or so years of my borderline life, the level of my self-esteem was abyssmal. hence powerlessness. hence worthlessness. hence depression. hence suicidal ideation. this became intolerable, and as i wasn't quite ready to check out, something had to change. so i made a complete reversal. i am powerful. i am worthy. the world can go %#@&#! itself - it's not taking me out. these days arrogance is my middle name...depression just a dim memory.

i tried for years but i don't think therapy did much for me. and none of the drugs i've been prescribed over the years ever did. perhaps it was the acid, which i began self-medicating course of ten years or so ago, combined with my same-time exposure to free-thinking hippies.

i weaned myself off hippies seven years ago, and it's been three since i've done any acid. i don't think i need either one anymore. i have ME.