Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna72914
With my online friends, my main concern when they don't respond to me is that they are mad at me or that I did something wrong. If they go a long time without messaging me I might be worried that they will forget me. Almost every relationship I have is full of abandonment fears-which I'm working on. I guess everyone is different but I like it much better with having closer friends on the internet and keeping my distance from people in real life.
Maybe you want to feel like you're important to someone and valued in their life. That makes complete sense because I feel the exact same way. I just find that people in real life are less able to meet that need for me than people online. I think you should explain this to your friends. Tell them that you understand they have responsibilities and stuff, but that you would really appreciate it if they could set aside some time to spend with you.
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Thank you for this. I do think part of the problem is that I want to make sure I'm valued by them, and maybe I'm being a little oversensitive and not recognizing that some people have limitations when it comes to being able to carry out plans. Sometimes people don't get back to me at all too (not online, but by phone). We'll plan something a few days in advance, but then when the time comes, I call and they aren't there. I guess it can be hard making plans too far out in advance though and maybe just sending them a text the night before would be a better way to go since things can easily come up if something is scheduled two days in advance. Part of the problem though is that I need to learn how to value myself and not give others too much importance, but it's tough.
When they do not answer and I do not hear from them that day or for a period of time, I tend to get paranoid that their opinion has changed about me or they no longer are interested in being friends. This isn't usually the case at all though, so I'm trying to stay positive about someone who did this to me recently who I haven't gotten a hold of. I think taking a step back and saying "they must have other stuff going on that they need to take care of" and just moving on with my life would help mitigate upsetting feelings. They'll catch up with me when they are able to and giving them too much power over my emotions isn't good for anyone.