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Originally Posted by Thinkingloud
Hi
My sister who is my twin is needy and needs constant help with something. She has always depended on me for answers when it came to stuff like learning new things. She was always too lazy to learn anything and her answer when mum asked for example what colour is whatever she answered "my name" knows.
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You should have stopped helping and giving her things back then and you parents FAILED to help her become independent and self reliant. That happened to me when my parents made my older brother my BOSS! You and your sister are both victims of very faulty and inadequate PARENTING!
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For the last few years she is constantly asking me to do things for her. Like fill in forms, write letters, tell her what her wage should be, explain why she is getting only this amount of benefit, just basically anything she is too lazy to do herself or she is not sure if she can do it right. It is now really starting to bother me.
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Then you will have to STOP coming to her rescue!
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Everytime i say i wont help her she starts with a blame game: "but you would do it for anyone else, you are such a selfish b..ch, dont ever ask me to borrow money, wow you are so horrible, why are you so mean, dont bother talking to me anymore, dont be texting me abuse.... and this happens every time i say no to her. Even when i try to say it nicely she turns on me and gets nasty.
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Due to very bad, faulty and inadequate parenting, both of you are victims of this sick game that she was taught to play and now it's up to you to take a stand for WHAT IS RIGHT!
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I then feel bad and end up helping her obviously because i cant see her making mistakes and then blaming me.
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Your were programmed to give in and help her when you should not have needed to do it and that is the consequences of very bad parenting.
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Im not sure what to do about this but it is really bothering me and i want to be able to get out of this. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
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IMO, to break the sick patterns of behavior your parents instilled into both of you, you may have to begin saying no and MEAN IT - no matter how vile, mean or abusive your ill trained sister becomes. She won't have a need, as of yet, to change the lousy behavior your parents placed into both of you but you are showing a need to change what your ignorant parents did to you by standing up to your sister and doing WHAT IS RIGHT - from now on. If you find it difficult to re-train your self, I recommend some books about Codependency and relationship books that teach folks how to relate to others. This may not help your sister change the bad programming she got but it might help change the bad programming inside of you. good luck.
