Hello peaceseeker16: This appears to be your first post. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

With regard to your predicament, I'm afraid that, from my perspective, there simply is no way to remove the thoughts, images & memories with which you are struggling. And the more you try to ignore them, stuff them down, or destroy them, the stronger & more persistent they are likely to become.

The reality here is that your gf was the person she was. And she now is the person she is. If you are going to have a chance of making a life with her, you are going to have to find a way to accept both of those personas & reconcile them in your own mind. (If you find that you simply cannot, then the best option is probably to end the relationship sooner rather than later, before things become any more complicated than they already are.) The typical way people approach these sorts of dilemmas is via counseling or therapy... individual counseling / therapy for yourself... & perhaps couples counseling for the two of you at some point, if your gf is willing.

Although I am an older male, your gf & I have something in common. When I was young I was also a person many... perhaps even most people would find to be completely disreputable. (I'll spare you the details.) Over the years I "evolved" you might say. I'm still not someone anyone would point to as a role model. But I'm also no longer the disreputable cur I was either.

In my case, the person I was, way back then, still affects the person I am now. And so I wonder if, & to what extent, the person your gf was affects who she is today or will come to affect her in the future... even if she does not talk about it. (I never speak about this myself. It's simply something I carry around inside, although I'm sure it has a major impact on how I live my life today.) This is something you also may want to take into consideration as you contemplate trying to build a long-term relationship with this lady.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!