well... i have some basic problems... and one of them being the core belief of defect and being unlovable. i don't trust my T, not yet anyway. i trust him some, but nowhere near what could be needed for such beliefs to develop. i don't trust anyone.. not another living soul (dogs not included, i trust them). It has hit me hard just how bad my trust issues are... i didn't know. and that's because i really didn't think about what trust really is... the way i was defining it was pretty rigid and specific... turns out it's more than that and i suck at the lot of it.

being held... can't even think about that. no one even touches me, even in passing, except for the chiro. being held is beyond my dreams...

i have spent my life learning to protect myself from wanting love that no one would give me.