hey. i don't think that you are the 'bad one' but i do think that you need to work on yourself. i'd say... that your girlfriend has some issues too - i mean, she has put up with this thus far and so i expect she isn't all psychologically healthy and everything either.

relationship patterns tend to recurr over and over until we figure out what is driving those patterns for us and we take steps to change them.

is there anyway you guys could do some sort of couples therapy together?

if one of your past girlfriends cheated on you then it would be understandable that you have some concerns and fears around that. it might be that you guys could both work on having a more trusting and honest relationship.

getting stuck in a cycle of lying and mistrust doesn't sound fun for either party... doesn't matter who started it the situation is typically that both parties are caught in their own relationship pattern trap. so it kind of emerges in relation to one another rather than one person being solely to blame.

you know... you are to be commended for coming here and posting about it. it shows that you are motivated to having a happier healthier relationship :-)