Is it that they hate you or that they feel a little frustrated with some of the particular things you say or do?

> lately i feel that the bpd is all that there is, ya know? like my instruction manual or something.

Yeah, I think I understand. That is one of the troubles that I have with the label. It can become... Part of ones identity. And that can result in one conforming to the stereotype when one wouldn't have done otherwise. More harm than good, thats my concern.

> i guess maybe it's easier to blame the dxs than myself.

Yep. But maybe... The key is to lift the blame. Maybe... Nobody is to blame. Maybe blame doesn't need to factor into it at all. I'm sure you don't like every single thing that everybody else in the world does... I'm sure you might feel frustrated or disapointed or sad or annoyed at some of the things that people say or do at times... And similarly sometimes people might feel a little frustrated or disappointed or sad or annoyed with some of the things you say and / or do at times... But it doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't make them a bad person either.

Part of facing up to hard stuff... Is being able to have some sympathy and kindness and acceptance for oneself. I really think that a lot of the things I did that hurt others was me trying to defend myself against unbearable pain. I needed to learn how to bear the pain and how to face the difficult things in a way that wasn't hurtful for me. That was really really hard. I don't think you are to blame. But acceptance of oneself and liking for oneself.. Is hard.. And.. Kinda necessary on the way forward. Experiencing others being kind to us... Learning how to be kind to ourself.