Whiterage, I think your mind is just processing those memories in your dream state now that they are surfacing. It might do some good for you to check out EMDR therapy to help process the memories and feelings. Good luck and I hope you feel better.

I was afraid to have children also, and was scared to death when I found out that I was pregnant. I was so afraid that I would treat my child the same abusive way I was treated, especially since I saw myself behave some of the same ways when I was babysitting.

When my daughter was born and put into my arms, I knew right that minute that I would never be able to hurt her in the way I was hurt, my love was so strong and protective. And I never have. The cycle CAN be broken.