I find it so strange and maybe not so strange at all...that the two most loving men I have been with were both diagnosed schizoaffective, in fact one had many more labels affixed to him. But when he held me, he just poured love and peace into me. So, as I meet other people, and talk to them and assuming they are neurotypicals, why is it that I see my severely mentally ill very disabled ex bf as so much better than any of them? I know I am romanticizing some of that relationship because it did go south eventually. It had to do more with the fact that I spent money on him because I knew he didn't have things (food?) but at the end he compulsively bought something knowing he didn't have the money for it and I finally refused to give him more ( already had sent him some ) and I broke things off with him. It took a year to get to that point.
Anyway...that whole thing about how someone makes you feel, how that is what people will remember about you? He made me feel like the most beautiful, lovely, intelligent wonderful person he had ever known. I felt so much love from him for such a long time. That...I miss. That...is something I wish I could find with someone else. who isn't terribly needy at the same time.
Do you think most people with mental illness feel things so much stronger than neurotypicals? I wonder that all the time.
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