thank you Divine...I have been in therapy since 2007 after my breakdown and diagnosis of bipolar disorder..at age 43! It has been a mighty struggle just to figure myself out since then, it's an ongoing thing. I spent 30 years with an emotionally unavailable man, I am guessing I keep going with what I am familiar or comfortable with? not that I was every happy with it, it just was what I know.

The guy I have been talking about, could not possibly be any more like my X if I had tried. he's just better at sex.
they have the same MBTI label, which just happens to also be the worst combination with mine of the whole list (estj and infj) ...he has the same job my X did when we met decades ago, we are long distance, part of what contributed to the demise of my marriage...all the physical separation.he's very obviously a workaholic, like my X. his mother has ALZ, as did my mother in law.

I have asked myself numerous times, what is it about this one man that has me hooked, and I swear I can't figure out the answer. I walked away from him in April for a week, we hadn't even seen each other but twice at that point. and I couldn't stay away. when he broke things off in June, I didn't text or email or any of those things, I let it lie...but I missed him terribly all the same. after that month I did send him a short message wishing him well and to stay safe (he is a police officer and the Dallas shooting had just occurred) we emailed back and forth and agreed to text again just to see how things went and within 4 days of us texting each other again, he was right back where we left off. he falls short of saying he loves me, but does call me lover.

anyway, I know he is right, he can't give me what I want, I wish he had been honest about that months ago. perhaps he didn't realize it either at the time.

I have had a couple of emotional affairs over time while I was married, the first one was part of my undiagnosed illness...so that pattern of being with unavailable men is probably there from a while back because I was not available either. now that I am physically available, I don't know how to attract someone else who is emotionally available. but someone mentioned another time that perhaps I am not emotionally available either and therefor keep attracting these same types of men.
A lot to ponder

I really appreciate your perspective on things, thank you!

I know things will be ok, things always find a way of working out. just don't know what the final outcome will look like.