Hey Zdarlite,

I'm not going to diagnose you, I just wanted to say that I can relate pretty much to your feelings...

I can't stand weakness. My self-esteem has always been linked to how well I can manage myself, without asking anyone for help. Being helpless and needing other's help is the worst thing that can happen to me, which is why I hate it in others... And this is what this kind of situation involves.

I guess that you are wearing kind of an armor that protects you from unpleasant emotions, covering it all up with anger...

Showing compassion, love, fear, makes you feel vulnerable, and it's not pleasant. It requires a lot of courage. But it can be learned and practiced.