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Mouse_ said:
I obviously did note how I felt about them on first meeting which I think is a self-defence automatic reaction, you know, am I safe? who are these people? but I didnt have to make them bad or good, it was a kind of friendly indiffence.

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We have to put the new people somewhere in our cognitive structure? If only to make a memory: "Oh, he's the guy in the blue shirt I liked, with the sweaty palm, at the concert last week" sort of thing.

My T and I got into uncomfortable discussions because I wasn't curious about other people, didn't ask them about themselves and try to find out about them because I wanted to know. It's hard to get "intimate"/get to know another person if you aren't curious about them, just go through the social motions or like them for what they can do for you (like T's who listen well and "hold" us and look-out-for and teach us stuff). I sometimes catch myself now asking people (in person) questions about themselves because I'm "supposed to" rather than because I really want to know? And I don't necessarily listen to the answer either, just tick off having asked the question in the first place from my social to-do list and move on.

I don't take things personally anymore but there's that farther on wanting to know and care about others in more than a surface manner too which I don't have (yet). My T implied it wasn't a necessity and that people have different built-in capacities for caring, for wanting to ask people about themselves AND wanting to know the answers.