BTW,

When I joined this site it asked what my condition is. I'm not even sure at this point. Largely I feel like "possessed" from darkness is maybe the main issue and doctors are foolish focusing on brain chemistry.

In the industry though, what do you call it when someone is tormented every hour by self-sabotaging absurd opposite of intentional thoughts? In addition for me thoughts come way too easily. So much of it seems surely spiritual in a very interesting way I don't understand. Like I might try as hard as possible to think of the idea of holding my favorite girl and carrying her as romantically + sweetly as possible, but then I feel an impulse to do a back breaker. Then I might go get a burrito at a taco shop, go to the salsa bar, and while trying to get salsa feel an impulse to spit in the containers which I battle by then thinking of spit like coming from further back and just onto my head. Then like at the gym I might see a person walking by or running on the treadmill next to me and intentionally try to think positive things to myself like "wonderful people", but then I have an impulse like to stick my foot out and trip them. These are the complete opposite of what I would intentionally want or do and I'm not at risk of doing them physically, but I'm tormented on the inside so much.

I think my case is a perfect one to illustrate how interesting it is thinking philosophically about how spiritual health and mental health relate. I think only a fool would expect a brain chemical imbalance would cause my issues. Maybe a brain chemical could bias things like slowing down thoughts and give some symptom improvement or support healing, but I expect the core area of disease is more spiritual and best corrected by getting my daily lifestyle tuned far towards ideal as possible. Psychiatrists caused me hell by thinking small dose 2mg type Risperidall was reasonable as a primary means to treat me.