I'm sorry you're very anxious about this situation. Obviously self harm is no way to solve it but I'd be a hypocrite if I said I hadn't done similar things. I have that problem with bottling things up too. My boyfriend was very concerned about that aspect of me today in fact, since he's the only real person I talk to in depth about this anymore (other than my therapist now, who I've since opened up to more). Try to be kind to yourself despite this desperate situation. I know it's hard. I hope you feel better soon.