Sweety, you are not an idiot at all. The deepest part of your trust in your husband has been shattered, and you feel terrible pain and confusion - it only makes sense to remember the emotional connection you had with your first love. The love, the trust, the hope, the happiness - all things your current situation isn't offering, and in fact, has done the opposite of by causing havoc to those things.

You have your result. You have been given consideration from your first love - they told you they have fond memories, but cannot move backward to that life again - too many painful memories for them as well. (Not about you, but the circumstances surrounding that time for them). Also, you are at a point of need, and cling - you cannot offer much support to someone, when your insides are so weakened and confused. The idea of turning to another when your marriage is so rocky is understandable, but not advisable. It is just piling more complications onto confusion.

So - - be happy that you are remembered with fondness. Don't be sad that you contacted them. It was just your emotional loneliness reaching out for human comfort you aren't getting from your husband.

I believe if you stop trying to force your life to fit your mental image, but instead, take care of your emotions - and listen to them - you can begin rebuilding yourself into a stronger, happier you. Just let yourself grow, instead of trying to force yourself to be. I think you might not know how to do this, but it really is simple once we learn how - it is trusting your feelings without berating yourself for what they are.

Live Cash. Live honestly - letting yourself exist as you are meant to be, not as others tell you.

<3