Does anyone else not mention certain symptoms or flat out lie about symptoms to their pdoc? Bad? yes. probably.

I saw my pdoc today and basically did just those things. I should have mentioned that my energy has been increasing, my sleep has gone to ****, that I won’t take my prn to get some sleep because I don’t want to and don’t need it, I’ve been getting insanely irritable, I’m paranoid, spending money, amongst other things.

Thoughts raced through my head the entire time I sat in his office and my mouth wanted to purge out every last thought to him, but I bit my tongue the entire time. Literally. I highly, highly doubt that he actually knew what was up. And if he did, I don't recall him mentioning anything.
And so I spent the 15 minutes that I saw him trying to convince him that I’m doing amazing, that I have it all under control. And believe me, I achieved my 15 minutes of fame acting better than any actor. Golden globe nomination worthy.

Maybe I was trying to convince myself that I’ve got this under control. Because I crave control. I want to be in control all the time and without anyone’s help. Always have. I want to show everyone that I don’t need their help and that I’m perfectly fine. The joys of being an over-achieving perfectionist!

And now it’s after 4am and I’m not sure whether I love or hate how I’m feeling. I am absolutely not depressed. And I am not manic. I’m just bursting with energy and thoughts and I feel like my seams are ripping apart, not able to contain it any longer. But I’m also feeling amazing, so maybe I didn’t technically lie.

Stupid me. I KNOW that I should be honest to my pdoc because he’s of no use otherwise.

I don’t even know what the point of this thread is anymore.
And I know my grammar and punctuation are absolutely atrocious in this thread. Please excuse me for that.

I think I’ll just erase bipolar from my dictionary.
At least I have the sunrise to look forward to once again