Quote:
Originally Posted by xRavenx
First of all, thank you everyone for your responses. They help, and I'm glad for the support.
In response to this particular post....I agree, and this is what I am thinking, that it doesn't have to be 'together and apart.' After a little over two weeks of me not initiating contact and giving myself space, he called me and asked me out. After having time to put things into perspective (it's been a month since we've been broken up), I decided for myself there are different things going on in his life that make it where I don't want a serious relationship with him since he isn't even legally divorced yet and lacks stability emotionally and other wise (yes, I know it probably wasn't best to get involved in a newly separated person in the first place, although we do have a connection). Moving forward, I decided not to get involved with someone separated again since people often think they are ready, but they aren't.
I will go out with him to see how it goes, but I refuse to put my life on hold. I do have feelings for him, and he expressed he has feelings for me. I'm interested to see what he has to say over dinner. That being said, I plan to keep it brief when I go out with him and not dive into anything, especially since I'm not ready for that now. I even went on a couple of dates with others during our time apart just to enjoy the company of someone new without committing to anyone right now. I'm feeling happier overall. I look back and think there was too much pressure before we broke up, and it put a strain on our relationship. It seems we still want to be a part of each other's lives and need to just take a step back for now.
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The world would have us believe that we need everything now, we need all of it or nothing and that everything should be done iwht "carpe diem" in mind. Truth is some things, especially the best things for us, take time to cultivate. There isn't much of courting any more in today's world. nothing wrong with having romance, dating and seeing someone without completely committing to them until you're both ready to take that commitment on fully. But until you are that doesn't mean seeing each other should be out of the question.
On another note, it could be that you're good for each other but the stages of life you're in are not right for commitment yet. Him being in a place of flux with relationships and commitment says nothing bout whether he will be the right one for you at some point to be with in a more committed way. You know that there is enough between you that you both don't want to cut it off, he just isn't ready.
I get tired of hearing when people just go separate ways because one isn't ready for a full commitment yet. why does all of it have to be now and 100% or nothing at all? Love and marriage, commitment etc does not come instantly nor should it.
I hope that you continue to have enjoyable time together and you can accept where each other are right now. At worst in this case it will turn out to be a lifelong friendship and even if so that's not a complete loss either.