I hate the sheer amount of judgment that society at large can and do hurl at people for doing what they needed to do to survive. It's complete BS.
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This forum has helped me, and the unwanted characters, a lot. They have attitudes and action tendencies which do not feel out of place here as they do in the rest of the world, even in my therapist’s office. I don’t usually let either of my characters “have” the body, because they do and say things which other people find unacceptable. Nevertheless, because they are (motivationally) separate I don’t know the kinds of things they know and the only way for me to find out is for them to be embodied. Then I can hear what they say and feel their energy. Unlike some people who have alters that talk with each other, my two unwanted characters don’t talk to me very much and vice versa. Sometimes they have just taken over – generally not a good thing to do – when there are extreme circumstances that feel life-threatening to me.
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The issue here seems to be one of control, as so often seems to be the case when I read your posts here. To actually let those unintegrated parts of you have a voice has always been dangerous, it's why they're so dissociated from your conscious self in the first place.
Think about the phrase "let go". I know it's cliche, but seriously, think about it. What would that look like for you in dealing with this whole thing?
There is no shame in doing what you had to do to survive. Anyone who tries to shame you for it needs to take a look in the mirror themselves and deal with their own **** instead of judging you for doing what was obviously necessary for you to survive and function in the world.
Everyone on this earth has their reasons. You could say that even about whoever you think is the most evil person you know of. He/she had their reasons. It may be totally ****ed up, totally twisted, but they had reasons that were valid to them none the less.