From the age of 15 once I started drinking, I became very angry. As time went on I hung around seedy places, hung with seedy people. I was witness to fights in pubs, I was witness to a boyfriend being stabbed to death 24yrs ago. I don't wish death on anyone, but the boyfriend was in a gang and got into a racial situation and was murdered. I dont excuse the guy for carrying the knife either but this is just an example of the kind of people I hung with many yrs ago. Today now sober, I seem to be carrying all the memorys of what it was like and thinking its like that everywhere, when infact it seems it may not be as common as I believe it to be, its just where i hung.

I went out last night and was out to after dark and I dont go out much now, not since getting sober almost 5yrs ago, but I was amazed how little trouble there really was, and how the majority of people are just out enjoying themselves, but my past seemed to more like ww3 ...I had to keep doing a reality check because I was on the look out for situations constanly on the way home unyet my eyes wasn't seeing any trouble...

I guess I'm afraid I've missed out on a "normal" life and will never fully see reality for what it is...you know kinda like a dog thats been put in fight rings, can it ever be a normal pet again? This is how I feel...