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Originally Posted by objectclient
Perhaps they don't but I've never actually confirmed the ET. I've only mentioned my attachment to them and authority figures in general and they have never appeared open to talk about it further and explore what it might mean. Maternal/paternal transference has always been the main issue behind my attachment to Ts. The ET develops later on and I alternate between the two but never experience both in the same time period. If I'm feeling vulnerable, I feel child-like and it will be paternal/maternal transference. If I feel more with it, it will be ET. The maternal transference is always so much intense though, followed by paternal and last of all ET. I feel like I want to act out my maternal transference and fantasize about Ts as parents and me as a young child. With the ET though, it was something I shunned and didn't want to entertain in my mind because it felt just pure wrong. I finally did allow myself to think through a scenario of intimacy with T because I wanted to know, would I actually want this to happen? And the answer was, no way.
It was such a relief to me to know this but it has meant ever since that I'm wondering what the ET is about. I would be willing to talk through it in therapy to understand this and I don't see how it would be a slippery slope for a therapist in this instance because I don't want the ET or T. I think it should really depend on the client but for some reason, Ts won't try talking about it before they ditch the client and refer onto a colleague.
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Your original post was, maybe, the answer to the problem my T and I are having. I say 'maybe' because thinking I may be in a maternal transference doesn't seem quite right, though T and I talked about it yesterday. My T has never shied away from the subject of transference, and once stopped a conversation we were having to tell me he maybe needed to get in touch with his countertransference.
After our appt yesterday, I began to explore the possibility that I may be experiencing ET. But I'm SO grounded in the understanding that my relationship w/T is a business relationship (T knows I see our relationship as such), I'm not sure I'd know ET from MT. I've taken great care not to talk about a romantic, long-term relationship I've had, just to avoid any possibility of developing ET. Today, though, I'm thinking that I'm hurting myself by not talking about romantic relationships; I need to know what went wrong and how I need to change to have the love relationship I want. I do think T may be somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of ET, but I also think that we would get through it.
The only things that stick out for me in your search for Ts who will manage transference is 1) I never mentioned transference when T and I met, 2) T has been in private practice 36 years, and 3) there was nothing in our contract about transference, hence I believed T could deal with whatever came up.
Talking about ET in the context you noted seems reasonable, which may be how I'll need to bring it up to my T. But for a T not to want to even talk about ET w/the understanding you don't want to be in that position (but are!) seems irrational...those sorts of things are what Ts are supposed to be trained to do.
Your situation is, indeed, a thought-provoking one. That it's leading me to examine what's going on w/my T and myself makes it even more interesting. Beyond that, though, is my hope that you find a solution to your dilemma.
