Yes, I remember having similar thoughts way back maybe 10 years ago. At the time, I hated that pdoc and now I hate him even more (although I've been away from him for about 5 years), and I detested the way those dissolving ones felt, but he wasn't forcing me to take them. That may have been his only saving grace.

I felt as though at worst I was just an eccentric without the vast sums of money to be a charming one. I felt like people didn't like me but why should I drugged for their sakes? Why couldn't they be drugged too?

Anyway, it was a very long time that I held those views and feelings. I'm not sure if meds were working but the same day I posted here for the first time, the noises stopped. That's too huge of a coincidence for me. I don't know what the heck's going on, but I'm just so thankful those noises have mostly stopped.

I agree with everyone that you need to stay on meds. It's easy to say you tried them and don't feel better (or different) because, for some of us, it takes these meds weeks or even months to start feeling more normal. It's possible you may not have felt anything close to normal for many years now.

The eden that everyone hopes to see, is one who has insight into this illness. None of us do, at first. Or I should say, a significant number of us dont. Do you really just want to crash every 6 weeks, at each time incorporating more entities? When you do, you start posting as suffering eden, the one who wants to scream because there's no way to handle any of this. We all want to help you. So that means urging you to take meds. We all care about you.