And fushia and skeezyks I've done nothing BUT reach out for help for this since I first recognized the return of depression symptoms in December. Despite the lack of motivation and the hopelessness and the frustration of doctors offices NOT EVEN RETURNING MY PHONE CALLS I perservered and found a therapist and then the IOP which helped me. I've been going to support group meetings two or three times a week. One therapist suggested that it might be more productive to take one of those days and go do something to meet people instead. I can barely get to these meetings without exhaustion and a tight chest (I have some severe cardiac problems) I'm not working so I can't do anything that costs money I would love to go dancing again and to heck with whether I meet anyone or not but I can't walk up a flight of stairs now let alone go dancing. If I don't go to these support groups I'm alone in the house in bed instead.

The problem isn't reaching out for help. I'm still talking to my supportive friends, I'm still going to therapy, I'm still looking for a new therapist, I'm still going to the support groups. The problem isn't reaching out for help and the problem is not that I want to kill myself the problem is that I'm tired of exerting so much energy on this for no reward and I am ready to simply stop trying.