You might want to consider writing a letter of Restorative Justice.....that says, this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. I feel that is empowering; you can keep it or give it to her. She won't be able to deny it or overtalk you.

You might have said to those cruel words.......Since you feel that way, please continue to not count on me. Of course she would be angry, etc....Abusers hate to be called on their behavior...I had a mother like that; she died at 93. ..she did change in her later years, but the damage was done. xo

A book which might help you: Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.