Hello,
i never looked for help with any mental related issues, although i suffered from anxiety and ocd at young age, so i don´t know how to indentify my own feelings if that makes sense.

In the last years i´ve been feeling numb and i think that is why i resourced to gambling, i will lose all my money...I feel like money lost its value, what i want is to feel that rush. I never had a girlfriend and i never had a job at 25! I have no ambitions, no motivation and no joy in life...I tend to self-harm, i did cut my arm once to cope with the more heavy self-harm that i really can't control which is punching in the face or body (i feel like a retard by doing this) and suicide is always on my mind, i always considered it as a way out. The worst thing is that i realize i could have a pretty normal life if i had a healthy brain.

My mother commited suicide when i was like 10, i think my anxiety and ocd started from there but i don't really want to blame it on that event.

I´m questioning if i might be depressed and if this feeling is related to it, it's really not a good feeling. I don´t really remember to have to dreams or big ambitions about life, so maybe i´m just this way.