Hey, thanks all. Yes, the hidden ones, inside are the tough ones. I guess just seeing them reminds me of too much; feels overwhelming.

I am okay. I can keep little things down which is a big deal. I am having a hard time with it though, I won't deny that. Really emotional. I cried for 3 hours last night; straight. I looked like my eye balls were missing. My eyes were so swollen I did not want anyone to look at me. I held my head down all day. I think I fell asleep at 5 and had to get up at 6:30. Feel like crap. (sry).

I am having so many SI urges. I went and spoke with my regular t today. I was okay then suddenly I broke down. Then I was mad for falling apart. I told her about all the cuts. And told her that if I did not do this, well I would have taken "too many" tylenol. I have been struggling with this as well. Its never just a couple, its a handful. I don't get why. I had them in my hand last night, but got mad and put them back. I have to fight within myself to stop this madness. I have to win. I won't allow this. I am simply afraid, thats all.

Justy