It sounds like your mother feels others owe her and doesn't want to be responsible for "her" actions. It also sounds from what you have been describing that your mother doesn't know "how" or ever knew "how" to give you the care and love and respect you needed from her.

You have to come to the realization that you are standing under a fruit tree that simply can't bear fruit and yet you continue to "hope" that it will simply because you take the time and stand there waiting for it.

At some point you have to accept the fact that you are not going to get what you want from your mother and also realize it's not your fault either. When you keep "asking" your mother to give you something she doesn't have, you will continue to anger her and end up being treated the way she has always treated you. Maybe your father is a cool dude, but keeps his distance because he already knows "he" can't win.

Women get married and have children, but that doesn't mean these women make good mothers or even good wives or understand what giving "love" and care for others really means, often these women did not get that themselves and may have developed toxic ways of handling others because no one filled "their" needs when they were growing and developing. If your mother is drinking and gambling, then both those problems mean your mother needs help and the only one that can take the right steps towards improving your mother's life and relationships, is "your mother".