Three months to my big exam and I don't know what I am doing.
I just feel like I waste most of my time. It is not just a feeling, is the true. I have been waking up late every day. I try to set my biological clock to wake up early, but it is difficult to set, so, no study in the mornings.
I have had my mobile phone off for a while I can't have it on because I waste too much time on the Internet, there is always so much to read. But shooting down the outside world in order not to get distracted is really hard, specially now that the Olympics are on... I feel I can do better but on the other side I am so lazy. And when I try to get up earlier I can't do anything because I feel sleepy. And I have been sleeping so bad.

I left my old gym and now I go to a very very small place in my village. It has only a trainer who is there about an hour everyday. But is not worst this way it is like a mix between a class at a gym and a gym class at school.
It is a challenge for me, not on the physical stuff, the social part. I don't want people to see me as a shy weird person, specially because my profession demands me to be social and to leave my anxiety behind. I know I won't get rid of my social anxiety this summer, but I am looking at this experience as one more social training. I wonder if past me would be proud of my actual social skills, I wonder if she would spot some differences. I try to convince my self that high school me would never try these kind of things, instead she would try to avoid them. I am not sure how much I have evolved. I know that changing from one day to the other is impossible. And differently from the past I talk my bad thoughts back. They are still there, I just challenge them more.
The therapist I had never reached back to reschedule my appointment (at the public hospital), so I guess it's done. She wasn't a good fit for me anyway and it wasn't making any difference. When I start to work and having my own money I am thinking about paying for good therapist...

Came to the big city today, brought a soup for dinner, end up eating a lot of crappie food at McDonald's because I was feeling without any energy. Shame on me.